First, im so sorry for your loss and pain. I read somewhere that the deeper the grief is the deeper the love was/is. And I strongly believe that. I write alot about my dad. We lost him 2 yrs 8 mnths ago. I miss him every day. I don't know if it ever gets lighter or better. It's like you learn to have a new relationship with your loved one. I read a book after he died that helped me build a different bond with him now that he's gone. Laura Lynn Jackson 'SIGNS' look it up. It might help you too!! Best wishes to you 💟💔❤️‍🩹